Where The Rubber Hits The Road


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In case you need to hear this

Woman, Desperate, Sad, Tears, CryThis has been one of those days where it feels like the world is a very bleak place to live. I received several pieces of truly awful news today. It’s not my news to share, so I won’t, just know that people I care about are going through the most trying times possible. There are no words, truly. There’s no making sense of some things. No silver lining. Just loss. I’m. I wish there was so much more that I could do than just grieve. It’s hard to find anything “good” to say at times like this. No one wants a cheerleader. So, instead I’m going to share a story.

I’m going through therapy, which is all online right now. I see a trauma therapist and we are doing EMDR. If you’re not familiar, it’s a way of working through and healing traumatic experiences. The camera on my laptop wasn’t working so I could see my therapist, but she couldn’t see me. We’ve been working on a certain memory for weeks now – the overall feeling attached to is was how very unseen I was by my ex-husband. I was crying pretty hard at one point, sitting with the pain of feeling like less than an object in my marriage. My crying slowed and I noticed that my therapist had moved closer to the screen. She was with me in that moment. As my breathing started to return to normal and I began to feel more settled she said that as she could hear my breathing slow down (remember, she couldn’t see me). She said that as she could hear my breathing slow, her shoulders relaxed more and more. Not only had she moved closer to the screen, probably without even knowing it, but her body had tensed. She was literally with me in my pain. I was processing the pain of being unseen, and there she was, “seeing” me. Even when she couldn’t see me,  she saw me.

Having a broken camera on my computer has been exasperating. But, at that moment, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

If you’re suffering right now, I see you. You are loved. You matter. Let me sit here for a minute with you in your pain. Take a deep breath. I’m taking one too. You are so loved. I see you.Light, Candle, Hands, Flame, Fire, Night


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30 Days of goodness: oh my god, what was I thinking?!

When I started these 30 days of goodness (80 years ago) I had this grand idea to be a light and inspiration to others as we go through these difficult times. What I forgot is that I am not the Dalai Lama. I don’t meditate. I don’t say beautiful things…I barely even think before I speak anymore. I’m a freaking mess. I forgot that looking for the good in everything sometimes feels like a lot of bullshit because things are forked up right now! Am I wrong?? Yesterday I had one of those deep cries. The kind where you feel like your heart is being squeezed so hard that it might just throw in the towel. I felt like one of those kids who knows they’re in pain but can’t tell you where it hurts. It hurts everywhere. I’m scared and tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m trying to quit smoking and that is straight up balls because smoking makes me feel better. But it also dulls the pain. And I’m pretty sure my body was telling me yesterday that it was time feel the pain.

What are you struggling with?

Where does it hurt?

Where are you holding it in your body?

What are you afraid of?

I can’t fix it. But let me sit with you here in your pain. You are not alone. You are loved. You are a vital part of this community we live in. The community has become a lot bigger lately. Just hoping there is enough love and light to get us all through this.

I love you.

Message me if you need someone to talk to.

Pair, Hug, Love, Affection, Friendship


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30 Days of goodness: Day 16…if you don’t count all the days I’ve missed

Hello my dear friends! I’m back again! The days are filled with a little bit of everything…chaos, happiness, tears, exhaustion, sunshine, binge watching, drinking too much…apple juice. You know, the works. The weeks are flying by in a strange way. Sometimes I feel like I’m busier than I was before, how is that even possible? I wonder if we’ll change the way we refer to time from now on, like instead of B.C. and A.D. will it be B.C. and A.C. (before coronavirus and after coronavirus)??? I hope not. That’s just depressing. But, back to good things! Here are a few…

I’m in the middle of a pun off with my dad over text. Always the best.

The sun continues to shine and it’s been utterly divine.

We had steak and mashed potatoes tonight, and omg, so good!

A funny story…the family held a Zoom call on Easter so we could all chat. My sisters both had cool backgrounds and I wanted one so I put up a picture of a time that my friend and I had a photo shoot while dressed as mermaids. That’s another story, but it was uh-may-zing. Regardless, several days later, when I clicked into the Zoom room with my therapist, what should appear on my background you ask? Why, the mermaid picture. Clearly I don’t know how technology works. So embarrassing.

 

In the news

99-Year-Old WWII Veteran Raises $3.3 Million for Hospital Workers Simply By Walking Laps of His Garden

Read the story here. It might be the sweetest thing you’ve seen all day. https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/wwii-veteran-raises-3-million-for-nhs-fighting-covid/

 

Some Inspiration

This is a beautiful poem from a class I’m taking right now on indigenous poetry

 

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30 Days of goodness: Day 15

The last couple of days have been filled with ups and downs, but we’re surviving! The sun has been amazing, so good for the soul.

On the home front

I got some yard work and tree trimming done and it felt so good!

We watched a movie and ate delicious enchiladas.

We made a cake with pink and green sprinkles and it was definitely better than easter eggs…and way easier to decorate.

I finished a big essay and turned it in. Always feels great. I’m counting down the days until school is out!

 

In the news

16-Year-Old Has Been Using His Flying Lessons to Deliver Medical Supplies to Rural Hospitals Fighting COVID

Family Cheers Up Neighborhood By Spending 6 Hours Coloring Each Brick of Their House With Rainbow Chalk

Man Uses His Savings to Fill Up Gas Tanks For Dozens of Nurses Heading to Nearby Hospital

To read these stories and more go to https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/

 

Some inspiration

Today

I do not want to step so quickly
over the beautiful line on God’s palm
As I move through earth’s
Marketplace
Today

I do not want to touch any object in this world
Without my eyes testifying to the truth
That everything is
My Beloved

Something has happened
to my understanding of existence
That now always makes my heart full of wonder
and Kindness

I do not
Want
To step so quickly
Over the sacred place on God’s body
That is right beneath
your own foot

As I dance with
Precious life
Today

Hafiz

 

You are precious! You matter! You are loved!


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30 Days of goodness: Day 14ish

Today I just want to share one of my very favorite poems. I feel it says all that’s needed to be said. I hope you are well, I hope you are at peace, I hope you know how very loved you are!!

 

Desiderata

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927


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30 Days of goodness: Day???

I’ve missed several days of blogging. We’ve been a bit hard hit around here and it’s beginning to feel like my higher power missed the memo and went on spring break. But there is always goodness out there, and as I recently shared, the power we hold is in our perspective. So, I figure, a frail look for goodness is better than none at all!

On the home front

The sun has been glorious.

I sat on the beach for awhile with my daughter and it was just what I needed…sun on my face and sand on my feet. My daughter went fully into the water, which made my day. If you doubt me, here’s proof 🙂 The look of shock on her face is my favorite part.

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I’m reading Great Expectations and I had no idea how funny Charles Dickens was.

I mowed the lawn today and barely broke a sweat…so I think my workouts are paying off!

 

In the newsOnce again, John Krasinski

 

Some inspiration

“Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is.”– Anne Frank

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” –  Anne Frank

 

You are loved! You are magnificent and beautiful and amazing! You are strong! You matter!

 


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30 Days of goodness: Day 12

Hello again all you lovely people out there! I miss the presence of people more and more as the days go by! I hope you are well and provided for and keeping some hope alive! As the days go by my family and I step on each other’s toes in different ways. We frustrate, disappoint, anger and hurt each other on occasion. It’s impossible not to living in such close quarters (and we do these things normally too, they just feel more pronounced now!) I had a thought tonight, though, that brought me some peace. Every day I get to choose my battles. Every day I get to think “What’s going to set me off today?” or “What’s going to bring me joy today?” They’re both within our choosing. Even when so few things feel under our control anymore, we still have perspective. We get to choose our battles.

On the home front

We all laughed at funny Tik Toks last night…and the kids laughed at how I don’t know how to use the app.

I finished an essay today, among other things, which means I can take tomorrow off! It’s nice to have one day a week that’s not dedicated to school!

Jonah received the sweetest email from school. The staff made an encouraging video and sent it out to all the seniors to remind them they’re loved and missed. It was really special.

20200404_221516I’m supposed to read Great Expectations next, which I found an audio book for so I can listen and paint! Speaking of painting, I’m so excited about how my paint by number is coming along! Best purchase ever!

 

 

In the news

Hourly Workers at Largest Grocery Chain in US Are All Getting ‘Hero Bonuses’ for Their Service Amid COVID-19

When Student Was Having Trouble With Math Homework, Teacher Gave Her Private Lesson From Her Front Door

Mystery Mom Has Been Leaving Out Free Bagged Lunches ‘Made With Love’ for Anyone Who May Need Them

 

Some inspiration

You must concentrate upon and consecrate

yourself wholly to each day,

as though a fire were raging in your hair.

Deshimaru

 

 

Have I told you recently how loved you are? YOU ARE LOVED and YOU MATTER!!!!