Something rather unexpected just happened between my ex husband and my children. Another break in relationship that means I’m no longer tied to him in the same way through our children. I should be happy. I should be thrilled. Instead I just can’t stop crying. I don’t understand it. Why am I not feeling such relief to be a place I could only have dreamed of several years ago?
And I am relieved, or at least I will be. But there’s this other emotion in its place right now. I feel like I’m broken all over again. Because things truly are broken. And here is my takeaway – brokenness is still brokenness. There simply is no right way to feel broken.
To find myself completely cutting ties with someone I so intimately shared my life with for years feels like a loss still. And even though it’s like cutting off a diseased limb, it’s a limb that’s being removed nonetheless. How can there not be pain?
This is exactly what needed to happen. And I am grateful. The relief will come soon. He was not good to me or my children. We have all suffered so much. Now we can heal.
When you are suffering, or watching someone else suffer, please remember this – just because something difficult is leading to something good, doesn’t mean you can’t feel broken for a time. Brokenness is still brokenness. There simply is no right way to feel broken.