So I’ve realized something about myself. I’m a perfectionist. Gasp. I would love to be popping out a blog post every week. Instead, according to my “Page Manager” on Facebook it’s been 23 days since my last posting. Thanks Page Manager. I didn’t feel bad enough about it already. Maybe it’s time to get a new manager. One that says only things like, “I’ve noticed you haven’t been able to post in a while. No worries! It’s just an observation. What difficulties in your life could I remove for you so you have more time to write?” Ha! Not gonna happen.
The reason for the huge lapses in my posting is that I’m a blasted perfectionist. It might take me fifteen minutes to write a post but then I spend up to two weeks (two weeks!) cleaning it up, finding exactly the right word to express my sentiments. Ugh. It’s getting ridiculous. I’ve decided to stop censoring myself so much and just write.
I was inspired by a memoir I read by Wil Wheaton. And this is my embarrassing admission – I was embarrassed to be reading a book by Wil Wheaton. (Wil, I’m so sorry! I ended up loving your book!) And yes, I just used the word embarrassed twice in a sentence. See, not censoring myself.
Wil wrote about his struggles to find the life he thought he was going to have. He received a lot of accolades from his part in Stand By Me. Understandably. It’s a great movie. He thought his role in Star Trek would be a springboard to bigger and better things. He got out too soon and had difficulty landing other roles. It haunted him. Through the process he discovered his ability, and love for, writing. He started a blog (before everybody had a blog) and he wrote. He wrote daily. He wrote honest, nitty-gritty posts. He wrote about his hopes, disappointments, and also just about his day. It turned out that people really enjoyed hearing from him and he discovered that he really enjoyed sharing with them.
And this is why I loved Wil’s book. (Again, I’m sorry I misjudged you, Wil. I loved your book!) It was so honest but also such a pleasure to read. He became just a guy with normal struggles and normal victories. Relatable.
And that’s the reason I didn’t want, initially, to be caught reading his book. I thought I would be mistaken for a Trekkie (no offense to Trekkies out there. I’m just not one. I’m trying to live up to my “treehugger” image. It would just be confusing to everyone.) I didn’t think I would be able to relate to this guy who had a role on Star Trek.
I’m so glad I was wrong. And I was inspired to be more honest in my writing. To know that no one expects some polished work of art. We just want to connect. We want to know that we’re not that different from each other in the end.
So here it is, my first unedited, uncensored post. Honestly, it feels pretty good.