Where The Rubber Hits The Road

Leave a comment

In case you need to hear this

Woman, Desperate, Sad, Tears, CryThis has been one of those days where it feels like the world is a very bleak place to live. I received several pieces of truly awful news today. It’s not my news to share, so I won’t, just know that people I care about are going through the most trying times possible. There are no words, truly. There’s no making sense of some things. No silver lining. Just loss.  I wish there was so much more that I could do than just grieve. It’s hard to find anything “good” to say at times like this. No one wants a cheerleader. So, instead I’m going to share a story.

I’m going through therapy, which is all online right now. I see a trauma therapist and we are doing EMDR. If you’re not familiar, it’s a way of working through and healing traumatic experiences. The camera on my laptop wasn’t working so I could see my therapist, but she couldn’t see me. We’ve been working on a certain memory for weeks now – the overall feeling attached to it is was how very unseen I was by my ex-husband. I was crying pretty hard at one point, sitting with the pain of feeling like less than an object in my marriage. My crying slowed and I noticed that my therapist had moved closer to the screen. She was with me in that moment. As my breathing started to return to normal and I began to feel more settled she said that as she could hear my breathing slow down (remember, she couldn’t see me). She said that as she could hear my breathing slow, her shoulders relaxed more and more. Not only had she moved closer to the screen, probably without even knowing it, but her body had tensed. She was literally with me in my pain. I was processing the pain of being unseen, and there she was, “seeing” me. Even when she couldn’t see me,  she saw me.

Having a broken camera on my computer has been exasperating. But, at that moment, I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.

If you’re suffering right now, I see you. You are loved. You matter. Let me sit here for a minute with you in your pain. Take a deep breath. I’m taking one too. You are so loved. I see you.Light, Candle, Hands, Flame, Fire, Night

1 Comment

30 Days of goodness: oh my god, what was I thinking?!

When I started these 30 days of goodness (80 years ago) I had this grand idea to be a light and inspiration to others as we go through these difficult times. What I forgot is that I am not the Dalai Lama. I don’t meditate. I don’t say beautiful things…I barely even think before I speak anymore. I’m a freaking mess. I forgot that looking for the good in everything sometimes feels like a lot of bullshit because things are forked up right now! Am I wrong?? Yesterday I had one of those deep cries. The kind where you feel like your heart is being squeezed so hard that it might just throw in the towel. I felt like one of those kids who knows they’re in pain but can’t tell you where it hurts. It hurts everywhere. I’m scared and tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m trying to quit smoking and that is straight up balls because smoking makes me feel better. But it also dulls the pain. And I’m pretty sure my body was telling me yesterday that it was time feel the pain.

What are you struggling with?

Where does it hurt?

Where are you holding it in your body?

What are you afraid of?

I can’t fix it. But let me sit with you here in your pain. You are not alone. You are loved. You are a vital part of this community we live in. The community has become a lot bigger lately. Just hoping there is enough love and light to get us all through this.

I love you.

Message me if you need someone to talk to.

Pair, Hug, Love, Affection, Friendship

Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 16…if you don’t count all the days I’ve missed

Hello my dear friends! I’m back again! The days are filled with a little bit of everything…chaos, happiness, tears, exhaustion, sunshine, binge watching, drinking too much…apple juice. You know, the works. The weeks are flying by in a strange way. Sometimes I feel like I’m busier than I was before, how is that even possible? I wonder if we’ll change the way we refer to time from now on, like instead of B.C. and A.D. will it be B.C. and A.C. (before coronavirus and after coronavirus)??? I hope not. That’s just depressing. But, back to good things! Here are a few…

I’m in the middle of a pun off with my dad over text. Always the best.

The sun continues to shine and it’s been utterly divine.

We had steak and mashed potatoes tonight, and omg, so good!

A funny story…the family held a Zoom call on Easter so we could all chat. My sisters both had cool backgrounds and I wanted one so I put up a picture of a time that my friend and I had a photo shoot while dressed as mermaids. That’s another story, but it was uh-may-zing. Regardless, several days later, when I clicked into the Zoom room with my therapist, what should appear on my background you ask? Why, the mermaid picture. Clearly I don’t know how technology works. So embarrassing.


In the news

99-Year-Old WWII Veteran Raises $3.3 Million for Hospital Workers Simply By Walking Laps of His Garden

Read the story here. It might be the sweetest thing you’ve seen all day. https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/wwii-veteran-raises-3-million-for-nhs-fighting-covid/


Some Inspiration

This is a beautiful poem from a class I’m taking right now on indigenous poetry




Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 15

The last couple of days have been filled with ups and downs, but we’re surviving! The sun has been amazing, so good for the soul.

On the home front

I got some yard work and tree trimming done and it felt so good!

We watched a movie and ate delicious enchiladas.

We made a cake with pink and green sprinkles and it was definitely better than easter eggs…and way easier to decorate.

I finished a big essay and turned it in. Always feels great. I’m counting down the days until school is out!


In the news

16-Year-Old Has Been Using His Flying Lessons to Deliver Medical Supplies to Rural Hospitals Fighting COVID

Family Cheers Up Neighborhood By Spending 6 Hours Coloring Each Brick of Their House With Rainbow Chalk

Man Uses His Savings to Fill Up Gas Tanks For Dozens of Nurses Heading to Nearby Hospital

To read these stories and more go to https://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/


Some inspiration


I do not want to step so quickly
over the beautiful line on God’s palm
As I move through earth’s

I do not want to touch any object in this world
Without my eyes testifying to the truth
That everything is
My Beloved

Something has happened
to my understanding of existence
That now always makes my heart full of wonder
and Kindness

I do not
To step so quickly
Over the sacred place on God’s body
That is right beneath
your own foot

As I dance with
Precious life



You are precious! You matter! You are loved!

Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 14ish

Today I just want to share one of my very favorite poems. I feel it says all that’s needed to be said. I hope you are well, I hope you are at peace, I hope you know how very loved you are!!



GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

By Max Ehrmann © 1927

Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day???

I’ve missed several days of blogging. We’ve been a bit hard hit around here and it’s beginning to feel like my higher power missed the memo and went on spring break. But there is always goodness out there, and as I recently shared, the power we hold is in our perspective. So, I figure, a frail look for goodness is better than none at all!

On the home front

The sun has been glorious.

I sat on the beach for awhile with my daughter and it was just what I needed…sun on my face and sand on my feet. My daughter went fully into the water, which made my day. If you doubt me, here’s proof 🙂 The look of shock on her face is my favorite part.

20200407_171247      20200407_171250

I’m reading Great Expectations and I had no idea how funny Charles Dickens was.

I mowed the lawn today and barely broke a sweat…so I think my workouts are paying off!


In the newsOnce again, John Krasinski


Some inspiration

“Everyone has inside them a piece of good news. The good news is you don’t know how great you can be! How much you can love! What you can accomplish! And what your potential is.”– Anne Frank

“How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world.” –  Anne Frank


You are loved! You are magnificent and beautiful and amazing! You are strong! You matter!


Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 12

Hello again all you lovely people out there! I miss the presence of people more and more as the days go by! I hope you are well and provided for and keeping some hope alive! As the days go by my family and I step on each other’s toes in different ways. We frustrate, disappoint, anger and hurt each other on occasion. It’s impossible not to living in such close quarters (and we do these things normally too, they just feel more pronounced now!) I had a thought tonight, though, that brought me some peace. Every day I get to choose my battles. Every day I get to think “What’s going to set me off today?” or “What’s going to bring me joy today?” They’re both within our choosing. Even when so few things feel under our control anymore, we still have perspective. We get to choose our battles.

On the home front

We all laughed at funny Tik Toks last night…and the kids laughed at how I don’t know how to use the app.

I finished an essay today, among other things, which means I can take tomorrow off! It’s nice to have one day a week that’s not dedicated to school!

Jonah received the sweetest email from school. The staff made an encouraging video and sent it out to all the seniors to remind them they’re loved and missed. It was really special.

20200404_221516I’m supposed to read Great Expectations next, which I found an audio book for so I can listen and paint! Speaking of painting, I’m so excited about how my paint by number is coming along! Best purchase ever!



In the news

Hourly Workers at Largest Grocery Chain in US Are All Getting ‘Hero Bonuses’ for Their Service Amid COVID-19

When Student Was Having Trouble With Math Homework, Teacher Gave Her Private Lesson From Her Front Door

Mystery Mom Has Been Leaving Out Free Bagged Lunches ‘Made With Love’ for Anyone Who May Need Them


Some inspiration

You must concentrate upon and consecrate

yourself wholly to each day,

as though a fire were raging in your hair.




Have I told you recently how loved you are? YOU ARE LOVED and YOU MATTER!!!!


Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 11

I was doing some painting this evening and I had my reading glasses on. This is paint by number (no fancy free styling!!) but the spaces and numbers are very small. Often when wearing my reading glasses I forget that I have them on, and when I try to do something else everything is blurry until I remember, oh yeah, these are only for reading! This happened tonight as I was painting, the realization that I was trying to do something else and everything was blurry yet it took me a minute to figure it out. And this thought went through my mind – it’s funny how we accept things being less than they could be. I don’t know if you needed to hear this. I must have. How often do I accept the lesser version of something, settling for less than what life could be. Maybe you’re doing the same in some area of your life. Don’t be afraid to look at it. All of life doesn’t have to be blurry and difficult. Don’t accept less than what life could be.

This made me think of perspective and how it’s everything. And so, I decided this time to simply post pictures of things that make me happy. With no explanation. A picture is worth a thousand words. And perspective is what makes things what they are. Without further ado…


Remember, You are loved and you matter!!!!

Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 10

I made it to day 10! This in itself is something to celebrate. There’s many days when I feel like this was a stupid goal and I should just let it go. Gratefully, my conscience won’t let me. So, here we are with another day of goodness. I hope you’re finding good things in your life too.

On the home front

My daughter and I did the craziest workout today. I was sweating from places that I didn’t know existed. I was absolutely positively sure that I would pass out or vomit. It was that hard. The good news is, I’m not sore!! That means I getting fit! Woohoo!

We had some family time over individually made pizzas. Yay Boboli for making personal pizzas and yay for Costco for carrying them!

I had the good sense to buy chocolate peanut butter pretzels and they make a great snack in bed. Don’t judge, I’m working out.

I finished reading/listening to Jane Eyre and took my test on it. Whew, glad to have accomplished that.

Some Dad Jokes

Today, my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn’t know my name is Brian.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

If a child refuses to sleep during nap time, are they guilty of resisting a rest?

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know


Inspiration for the day – this old but sweet song. I’m on your side…You are loved and you matter!!

Leave a comment

30 Days of goodness: Day 9

I’m going to cut to the chase because I don’t have anything witty or wise to say…

On the home front

I’m keeping very busy with school work and catching up on the dozens of things I’ve been meaning to get to forever!

My kids finally have school work being assigned so they can do something other than lord knows they’ve been doing.

Finding the audio book Jane Eyre has freed me up to do chores while doing homework. It’s the best!

My adult paint by number is coming along swimmingly. It’s going to be so cool!


In the news

Today I’m letting John Krasinski give the good news, because, who doesn’t love John Kraskinski?! If you have the time, watch the whole thing. It’s totally worth it!

The Office’s John Krasinski launched a YouTube channel dedicated to good news



Some inspiration

The useless days will add up to something. The shitty waitressing jobs. The hours writing in your journal. The long, meandering walks. The days reading poetry and story collections and novels and dead people’s diaries and wondering about sex and God and whether you should shave your under arms or not. These things are your becoming.

Cheryl Strayed